Hidden Enlightenment

I think daily, it's a new day

The right time to change is, perhaps today

But who am I kidding, for I know

in the evening, everything's the same as yesterday's evening

I see the light, a ray of hope

which tries to call me away from my dope

But so hard I tried, all was in vain

To myself I had lied, deep inside heart, it causes pain

Day after day, week after week
On the bed I lay, calling myself a coward and weak

I re-live my old time, days of glory
People who chose me more than just friend, now all turned into a story

I feel scared, something never experienced before
For I have no one on my back, have to continue alone

Tried hard to motivate, to put myself back on track
Maybe it's all connected to fate, it decides when I have to get back

For I tried so hard, nowadays I even am enraged
"Try this once", says my heart, but my head knew what I had waged

Only time knows, how long will this last
I want to end this now, but things weren't just meant to be

Until I wait and wait, till it ends finally!

My Inside is not on my Outside

Yet another day arrived,
But my mind struggles to survive.
For my problems persists
yet no solution exixts

1 month, I count on calender
my mind being caught in frustation
Still hoping to hear of a  miracle,
just as they did with the help of oracle.

Each day now that I live,
takes more from me than it gives

On the outside, I give you a smile
On the inside, being happy is really versatile
For my Inside is not on my outside

On the outside, I enjoy every single day
On the inside,  everything looks as dull as gray
For my inside is not on my outside

On the outside, I tell you I'm Happy
On the inside, I feel all crappy
For my inside is not on my outside

Each day I ask, what to do?
Only to come up with no answers. 
Now where to go, nothing I know

Yet my hope never diminish
For if it finishes,
I will be a walking dead,
living life from bed to work & from work to bed

No one to guide, but so hard I tried
Go away troubles, I want to live with pride!
Because of you, my inside is not same as my outside
All I want is, Make my inside same as my outside.